This intro is only gonna be short so you can get on to reading some of the jokes that I have in store! Having a bad day? Then read some of these!
- A man asks a farmer near a field,”Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says “Sure! Go right ahead. And if my bull see’s you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
2. “Anton. Do you think I’m a bad mother to you?”………”My name is Paul….”
3. Coco Chanel once said that you shouldn’t put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
4. What’s the worst thing about being lonely?……….Playing Frisbee…
5.It’s so cold outside that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
6.I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today! That’s 7 years in a row!
7.A naked woman robbed a bank. She wasn’t caught because no one could remember her face.
8. The 21st Century: Deleting history is often more important than making it.
9. “You are so kind, funny and beautiful!”…..”Oh come on! You’re just saying that to get me to bed!”……..”And smart too!”
10.Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator says “Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says “OK, now what?”
11. Dentist: “You need a crown.”
Patient: “Finally someone who understands me”
12.A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.
13.What do you get when you cross-breed a cow and a shark?
I don’t know, but I wouldn’t enjoy milking it.
14. Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
“Oh welcome home darling,” he says, “my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello.”
15. How to seduce a fat chick? Piece of cake.
And that’s the end! I hope you guys enjoyed the jokes! I know I did! If you did enjoy it then give the post a thumbs up! Thank you!
(Disclaimer: I do not own any of these jokes)